Irrelevant News

Oh you lucky, lucky people! Two Blogs in one Day! 

Now, having just finished my rant about the uselessness of my Junk Mail filter, I opened a new tab on my internet browser and thought "Hmmm, it's a been a while, I'll check up on the news". As usually, for me that means clicking open the Latest Headlines bit. 

There was the usual depressing: Death in Iraq, Gay Rights activist killed, idiot presenters get another award. 

I was just about to close when I saw this headline: 

Pigeons sniff their way home with Right Nostril

My immediate reaction was, of course, a very mild and calm "What the F**K?". So I clicked on it, read it and quickly realized that my initial Reaction was correct. It was an entire article based around the fact that researchers had discovered that by blocking a Pigeon's right nostil, they can't find their way home. 

Really?

Quotes like "Now, researchers in Italy, say they have shown how much the birds rely on one of their nostrils to "sniff" their way around" and "To investigate this further, the scientists plugged either the left or the right nostril of homing pigeons raised just outside Pisa. They released the birds from Cigoli, 40km away, and followed the birds' return routes using GPS trackers." Intrigued me no end and, after reading the article in its entireity, left me wondering...

Who would want to find this out?

It's like watching QI and discovering that Flamingos can shallow boiling water. 

Why kind of scientist thinks "Hmmmm....Do Pigeons sniff their way home?" or "What Animals can swallow Boiling Water?"
Of course, there issues are WAAAAY more important then...Oh, i don't know, curing Cancer or discovering Alternative sources of fuel. 

Just goes to show, there are some right weirdos out there. 

Enjoy this rant....SAVOUR ITS DELICIOUS RANTNESS!

Hotmail's junk mail folder

I personally cannot stand this device. Don't get me wrong, it serves a vital purpose of keeping spam from my inbox and storing them away from my important emails, but the fact is, it doesn't work. 

my email address is reasonably old (I was 12 when I created it) so, as a result of various pranks, idiot friends and other general 12 year old activities (Free Pokemon Cheats - SIGN ME UP!) I get a fair amount of spam. Some of it ends up in my junk mail section, but the vast majority of it ends up INSIDE MY INBOX! I cleared out my inbox, went on holiday for a week and then came back to find almost 3,000 emails in my inbox, and about an eighth of that in my Junk Folder. 

Yes, some were emails from my friends saying "Do you want to meet up for a drink at this place?" or "It's a shame you weren't there" (or in one case "YAY! You weren't there! How did you know what I wanted for my Birthday?") but most were useless pieces of junk asking for debit card details so they can put a bagillon quid into my account. 

But that isn't what ticks me off. 

Well, no...that does tick me off, but not majorally.

What royals ticks me, for no reason other then the fact it seems to be claiming credit, is the message that shows AFTER you've emptied your Junk Mail Folder. For those that don't know, it's this: 

You don't have junk here (hooray!)—Microsoft SmartScreen is working to keep it out of your inbox, too.

It's probab;y just me misreading it, but that message seems to me to be screaming "You don't have junk here (Because of us, not you clicking empty)

And while we're on the subject of an empty button, why doesn't the Inbox have one?

Enjoy those thoughts. 

Still here? Why?

Three different definitions of going to bed

I have no idea what to blog about tonight, so I thought I'd give you some perspective into the mind of three seperate Grens - my Dad, my older brother and (paradoxically) me, the Original Gren: 

Simon's Definition: Simon announces he's going to bed normally about half 10 to 11, so he goes upstairs and either watches films or plays on his Xbox until midnight or 1. After that, he'll occasionally read a book until around 3 and then go to sleep. In the morning, he'll bitch about not getting enough sleep. 

Dad's Definition: Perhaps the weirdest of the three definitions. He usually announces whenever he feels like it. But since Dad sleeps downstairs, he doesn't have far to go. So he announces he's going to bed, and then hangs around, resting on the couch for about an hour, watching whatever I'm watching, before he'll go into the kitchen, get a glass of milk and then go to bed. Even after going into bed, he'll sometimes sit up and continue to watch TV. However he's more likely to read for a bit as well.

My Definition: I say I'm going to bed from 1:30 to 2 and that's exactly where I go. (I know, shock horror I do something normal sometimes). 

Thank you for letting me waste your time with worthless information about our sleeping habits!

Youtube

Youtube needs to get rid of its adverts!
I know on official music videos and the like, they generate a TINY amount of money, but seriously, they're annoying as hell. If I wanted to watch irritating adverts, I'd have looked them up instead of wanting to watch what I've loaded! Then I'd have shot myself for wanting to watch those adverts in the first place. 

Take last night for example. All I wanted to do was watch Black Books!
So what did Youtube do to me?

The first episode wasn't too bad, since it only played one advert. Except the Advert told me "You are 4OD on Youtube".....Really? I didn't gather that from the fact I searched for "Black Books", found them all on the channel 4OD...and I was on Youtube. I thought I was watching BBC IPlayer on Dailymotion! Thank you, Advert, for correcting my mistake, because I am truly that retarded!

(That was sarcasm)

So the episode played, I laughed and was alarmed by my similarites to Dylan Moran's character and when it ended, I decided to watch another episode. OK, this time I made the mistake. I loaded the wrong episode, but it still ticked me off! It didn't warn me while it played the High Speed Baby Printer, the Barclays Advert trying to make me laugh with nonsense about a Squirrel,  an advert I forgot (but I'm certain it was idiotic) and then that nice announcement reminding me I was watching 4OD on Youtube (in case I'd forgotten). 

As soon as I realized my mistake, I changed to the right episode, and sat through the soul destroying adverts again. I laughed, again became alarmed at the similarities and decided to watch another advert. Once more, I got the EXACT SAME ADVERTS AGAIN! It wouldn't be SO BAD IF they changed the adverts! 

To rub salt into the wound that my patience had become, half way through the episode it did a mini-impression of the title screen. Because it's a Channel 4 program, it's designed so the story can cut off at a moment's notice for adverts. So it did that and, apparently, Youtube thought it was an ACTUAL COMMERCIAL BREAK! Two more of those damned adverts played...and ONE OF THEM WAS THE DAMN IN CASE YOU'RE A RETARD, YOU'RE WATCHING THIS CHANNEL ON YOUTUBE Advert. 

Maybe I am more like Bernard Black then I realize...

In closing, this quote made all my angry go away:

"Do you think I should shave my beard?"
"I think you SHOULD wash it, yeah...and shave it off, nail it to a frisbee and fling it over the Rainbow"

Story time, boys and girls

I'm bored. 
It's exactly 02:06 here and I am not tired (That and my bed is covered with most of my possessions and I'm too lazy to clear them off) so I thought I'd write up a blog and tell you a story. This story is called "The Time I pulled twice on a bloody cold Train". 
I don't care what your definition of "Pulling" is! I pulled twice! My Blog, MY RULES! 
Anyway!
We begin our story in Halifax. For those of you who don't where that is, it one of those many cities that's one claim to fame is "Yeah...it's close to Leeds." I was on a train headed there (not the train I pulled on) to meet a mate before embarking on a journey up to Glasgow to see someone else. I was running late, so rather then let Dad drive me to Leeds, I jumped on a Train to Leeds (see, smart!). 
So I arrived in Leeds (yay) still in my work clothes because I was running late. I met my Friend, and we eventually found our train. 
It looked like a Death Trap. 
And when we got on, we discovered our first impressions were fairly accurate. 
It was cold, it was rickety and to this day, I'm convinced that those doors never actually locked. According to the ticket, we were going to be on this Train for about two or three hours, and every seat was taken, so I stood by the door (possibly due to a subconscious death wish) and spent my time ignoring my friend bitching about the train's less then ideal conditions with my iPod. 
Then something grabbed my little finger! 
I turned to look at the source of the offender, and saw a wee baby. (No, this baby is not who I pulled!) The baby was wrapped up in a blanket, being held by a fairly attractive woman in her late twenties or early thirties. We started chatting and chatting lead to flirting. 
Successful Pull One
Some stops later, she gave me a peck on the cheek and got off the train, waving goodbye to me from the window. 
Then a Gothic Looking Girl came over. People who know will know that I have a slight goth fetish. For some reason, I find them completely irresistable. If you want to do something stupid, come up to me looking SLIGHTLY Gothic (IE just wear black) and I will probably attempt to tame a Lion...with a stick and a chilli. She smiled at me, and I smiled back. 
Then she mentioned that she'd seen me with the baby and thought I looked cute (especially in my trench coat, which was hiding my Nurse's uniform). Instantly, I was ready to hand over all my worldly possessions to this woman. We chatted for a bit (I was still ignoring my mate) and thanks to living with one of my best friends and watching him play Obivilon for HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS, I managed to bluff my way through the Elder Scroll section. Basically, we chatted and it was surprisingly easy (This day boosted my confidence immensely). 
Then I made the fatal mistake. 
(No, I didn't kill her). Her stop came up, and she got off. No kiss on the cheek this time, but she did wave at me from the window and I waved back/
and I did nothing. 
Later, I realized I'd forgotten to ask for her number (or her name, come to think of it). Rookie Mistakes I've vowed never to repeat. 
Eventually, we got on a safe train (it was warm), we got seats and made it to Glasgow (where it was FREEZING!). I had a brilliant weekend, but I kept thinking of that Girl. 
To this day, when I'm down in the dumps, I remind myself of most (Save the rookie mistakes part) of that story and I always feel better. 
Hope you enjoyed that, and if you didn't, why did you read it all?
Idiots. 

Why I'm clever for NOT buying the Doctor Who "Christmas Adventure" figure set.

For those of you who don't collect Doctor Who Figures and really don't care about people ranting about those figures, Sod Off! This Blog is not for you and I don't partcularly care for your opinion, especially if its something along the lines of "You're 22 years old! Why are you still buying Toys?" (My normal answer to that is "Least I'm not buying Crack or Hookers". Take that, Gran!)

Anyway, back to the topic at the hand, the Doctor Who Christmas Adventure Set. THIS is what I'm talking about:

This set contains, as you can see, two figures and a TARDIS. The Eleventh Doctor is a repaint of a pre-existing figure I already have. I already have that TARDIS so really and I don't like the repaint it got. So really, the only thing going for this Set, at least to me, was a variant of the Amy Pond Figure. However, since it wasn't a Classic Set, I wasn't willing to pay £29.99 for a lone figure. Now, if it had come with Michael Gambon's Character as well, I'd have been all over that set, but it didn't so I wasn't.

Turns out, I was right not to buy this! As it happens, this is a Repeat of what, amongst Who Figure Fans, is known as the "Unearthly Child Incident" (or to me, the "Unearthly Child Frak-up")

Let me explain some more and bore you with my words.

THIS is the Unearthly Child First Doctor figure. 

As usual, it was a Forbidden Planet exclusive and cost £14.99. At this point, only one figure of the First Doctor was available, so I was pretty excited by this announcement. As soon as it came up for Preorder on FP's website, I placed one and patiently awaited the email saying it was on it's way to my door. Three weeks later, give or take, the figure arrvied and I was made happy.

BUT THEN, SHOCK HORROR, THIS ANNOUNCEMENT CAME!

"First Doctor and TARDIS set - coming soon!

This is what it looks like: 

Notice anything in partcular? The Figure inside that TARDIS Set was the same one. I WAS ANGRY BEYOND BELIEF. I couldn't believe it! I'd blown £14.99 on a figure, when I could've waited LESS then a month and then spent £10 more and got the First Doctor's TARDIS as well! So what did I do, loyal readers?

I caved, bought the TARDIS set and got a SECOND Figure of this variant. Was I happy? No. Did I complain? No, but I was tempted (Don't look at me like that - My Blog, my rules!). 

So how, pray tell, does this Unearthly Child Incident relate to the Christmas Adventure Set?

Well, if you're really that thick, you should leave my Blog now. 

I got an e-mail from FP, announcing this!

Yep, Single Release Amy Pond in Policewoman Outfit

Yep, there it is, folks. A figure of Amy Pond in her all Kiss-o-Gram outfit glory. And look, it's a single release and costs....£8.99. Is £8.99 less then £29.99? I think it is! 

That said, I'm still undecided about getting this Figure, and for those regular readers who are thinking "Cough, Orange Dalek and Eleventh Doctor" SHUT UP! 

Why the Doctor Who Adventures games are EVIL!

For those of you who don't know, I'm a BIG Doctor Who Fan (My Blog's name SHOULD'VE been a clue). I bought DOZENS of Classic Who DVDs, all the modern ones, the soundtracks and the vast majority of the figures (even the expensive exclusives). I even want to be the Last Doctor! That's how much I love Doctor Who!
That said, the Adventure Games are EVIL! 
Let me explain.
The Adventures Games are free downloadable games from the BBC Website which let you play as the Eleventh Doctor and Amy in four seperate adventures. You fight Daleks, Cybermen, A weird glowing Orb, the Vashta Nerada and a GIANT SHARK! Actually, fight is a bit of strong word - you actually sneak around and pray they don't see you...or Amy, because they WILL KILL YOU! (I can still hear Amy and the Doctor screaming as they die).
Sounds like fun, right?
It is...until you start collecting the Cards!
There are five sets - Doctors, Companions, Friends, Enemies and Jelly Babies. They're scattered across each Game and they're COLLECTABLE! The Word Collectable must also be Evil, because it instantly drives me to collect them...even though they're completely worthless in the Real World. If I were still at School and said to people I got all the Doctor Who Collectable Cards, I'd probably be beaten up repeatedly, even after giving up my precious Lunch (Doctor Who Figure) Money...even by the foreign exchange student who speaks no english...and probably the Teachers as well.
But the point is, I searched EVERYWHERE for them! And I found them...all but ONE! 
For THREE DAYS, I replayed the Games, searching desperately for the final card (Orange Jelly Baby)! I searched every nock and cranny on EVERY LEVEL AND DEAD ABOUT A MILLION TIMES! By now, you'll get the idea that they're somewhat hard to find. 
Anyway, then I found it...COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT! I was running the wrong way down a corroder because some enemy wanted to exterminate/delete/eat my life force/eat my skin (See what I did there - no clues for you, cheaters!) and there is was, spinning happily. It's even worse then when I was playing Blood of the Cybermen, and saw a Card AFTER I was too far away from it to go back! I would tell you where it was, but I'm an arse who refuses to share his secrets. Now, after wasting hours of your life searching for these cards, what do you get? The ability to alternate between The Doctor and Amy whenever you want? A Sonic Screwdriver for Amy? A Sonic Blaster for the Doctor so he can shoot his enemies instead of sneaking around them? Iron Man's armour? (On X-Men Legends II, you do!) or at the very least, a message congratulating you on your hard work and lack of a social life? 
No. 
You get nothing. 
NOTHING!
So basically, the BBC's reward for finding all those bloody cards is....nothing. 
Also, at a friend's birthday party, she introduced me as "Creepy Chris". At the time, I laughed it off as usual Banter.
Then I read this and suddenly, I'm not so sure! 

Doctor Who Figure Adventures - coming soon to Youtube

I have what can charitably be refered to as "a lot" of free time on my hands. 

In fact, due to illness, I have been forced to leave my Uni course and therefore, all 24 hours of my day are mine to do with as I wish (though at least 6 are reserved for attempt to sleep). 

Therefore, I've decided to attempt to fill my Day with a new hobby! Yeah me! New Hobby!

Except it won't be a new hobby. It will, in fact, be the continuation of an old hobby! Yay! Old Hobby! Those lucky few who actually know me are aware of this Hobby, since I've probably shown you my work already. It is Stop Motion. Doctor Who themed Stop Motion, in fact. Using my army of action figures, I've made them act out scenes I've written. I've achieved this by moving a figure slightly, taking a photo, moving it slightly again, taking a photo and so on. It's the same method Nick Park used to create the highly successfully Wallace and Gromit

Wooo! Nick Park! ...my hair's nicer then his!

Anyway! To expand on my hobby (and test it), I wish to make a Stop Motion Series for Youtube, like a few others have done. It will be a true test, both of my skills as a Stop Motion person (I believe the Term is animator) and as a writer, since I will be penning most, if not all, of my scripts (In fact, a fair few have already been scripted at least in part). Basically, I'm going to become a combi-lution (mixture of combination and Poke'mon style evolution) Of Nick Park (pictured above) and the brilliant Steven Moffat!

Guess which one is Steven Moffat

Anyway, the first mini-episode will up on Youtube soon, a new blog detailing it's creation will be made, and then, the series will begin proper. I hope you enjoy it. And in the mean time, enjoy this Promo-Shot (taken back in the flat - just to let you know how long I've been planning this LOL):

DOCTOR WHO:
THE CHRISTMAS FEAST