Love

Bear with me here, because this entry has a bit of an explanation to go with it. I've had feelings (I would even say love) for someone for a very long time and, without going into too much detail, that person is pretty much forever lost to me now. Barring accidents or other circumstances, the woman in question and I will never get together. 

Am I okay with this? Of course I'm not.

You see, this whole thing started a few years ago. I asked my friend Paul to set me up with one of his female friends. It took him a while to 'pick the right woman', and by then, my mother had taken a turn for the worst. Naturally, she became my main focus, and I put dating along with everything else to the back of my mind. Sadly, by the time my life became normal enough for me to consider dating again, the woman had started seeing someone else. 

Eventually, we got to know each other quite well and became friends. However, my feelings for her grew to beyond friendship, but she was still seeing this person. I thought I had accepted this, but when they finally broke up, my spirits soared. I had intended to ask her out, but she declared to anyone and everyone that she wasn't looking for a relationship, so I held my ground. I was happy to wait for her because I knew that sooner or later she'd come around.

I intended to ask her on a date on a night out but she came out drunk. Since I was sober, I didn't want it to look like I was taking advantage, so I postponed. Unfortunately (for me), she went home with another friend, and they started a friends with benefits style relationship. This lasted for about 6 months, until they finally split up. By this point, she had started talking to the man who would become her husband. 

And the worst part, I helped them get together.

Against my better judgement, I told her to message him, and she did. He replied, but the next day, he was in a relationship with another woman. I thought that would be the end of that. She was put off dating for a while but again, I was willing to wait. Then he split up with the woman, and the pair started dating. 

On my 23rd birthday, he proposed to her (the bastard) and on the 8th of February, they were married. I never told her how I felt about her, and I never will.

It's going to take me a while to get over her (if I ever do), but I know I have to. 

So I'm asking my friends to bear with me, because this is going to be a long and difficult road for me. I will get there, and I've taken the first steps towards this goal, but it won't be a case of "Moping for a weekend and be ready to try again." 

Wish me luck. 

Live Long and Prosper