Children

So once again, the blog went on a bit of hiatus without warning. Sorry about that.

Some real life stuff of the big kind got in the way and pretty much everything, and I mean everything, got wrapped up in a sheet and pushed to one side. It's still wrapped in that sheet, for the record, but things are slowly returning to normal. 

Hopefully the blog will be one of them.

And that is not at all what I want to talk about. Normally when I come back from a hiatus, I will make a mini-post announcing my return and promising a post tomorrow which will appear a week later. Not this time.

Because this time, I have been inspired and actually have a topic I'd like to discuss. 

Babies.

No, I am not about to become a father. That would've been announced with a photo of the sonogram or whatever. However, at the moment, there are suddenly a lot of babies around. One of my best friends has welcomed a little girl into her family and I'm staying at my aunt & uncle's house with my cousin, his partner and their 9 month old girl. So naturally, the topic of babies and whether or not I want to be a father has been on my mind.

The truth is, I think I would be an excellent father. I am good with small children and thanks to nursing, I don't have an issue with bodily fluids. Since my sleeping pattern is shit anyway, I have no problem getting up at all times for feeding, changing, etc. Quite honestly, I have zero problem, save the lack of a girlfriend/wife, with having a baby right now.

But I do not know if I want to become a parent. My body is a genetic time bomb, as many readers know. I don't know if I want to have children, knowing that I might become a burden to them later in life, or even sooner. It might be that I decline rapidly within the next few years. It might be that I don't. I don't know. No one does. But there is always that thought at the back of my mind whenever I see a baby smile at me (and yes, babies always smile at me) which makes me think about having one of my own. 

Anyway, sorry about the downer/deep thoughtful post so soon after returning.

LLAP

I have never really seen the point of April Fool's Day.

I prefer tricking people the other 364 days of the years ;)

I am not a healthy person

I don't mean this in an illness kind of way, though it is also true. I mean this in a fitness kind of way.

Despite my skinny appearance, I know for a fact I am unfit. I get out of breath walking to my friend Jeremy's house, which is barely three tenths of a mile. That's roughly 1584 feet or 618 yards. I eat poorly. My diet consists of very few vegetables compared to a lot of takeaways. 

"So start exercising," I hear you crying. 

"Ha," I laugh back at you, imaginary voices in my head. "If only it were that easy." And this is where my general unfitness turns medical. A big problem for me and my fitness is that I suffer from a little known (but often wished for) symptom called Exercise Intolerance. So while I sit here, gloating over the smug voices in my head, I am also a little stuck at what I can do about my own health.

It's that time of Year where people generally flock to the gym in their thousands with ridiculous phrases like "fit in '15" in their head. I'm not like that. For starters, gym memberships are a little beyond my price range. For another, my nearest gym is a whole 0.6 of a mile away from me. AND there's a hill. So that's always out of the question.

So I took my next best option.

One benefit of having super rare genetic condition (aside from the mutant powers, obviously) is having contacts in the medical world. I have a specialist consultant, his team, a researcher, a specialist sister and a wonderful woman who amounts to a social worker as e-mail contacts. I also happen to have an exercise person.

The year before last (or was it last year) I did an exercise study for her, where I had a tiny incident (my heart stopped a bit too rapidly). Anyway I dropped her an email and she's ringing me next week to talk about what I think I'm capable of doing (Seriously, nearly adult I talk to for longer than 20 minutes ends up becoming over cautious about me - probably in response to my complete lack of cautiousness about my own health). So we'll see how that goes.

Without a big hoo-ha, I've disabled my OK Cupid account.

Just disabled, mind, not deleted. I am probably not done with online dating, I'm just taking a break from it. Unless something miraculous happens and I meet someone in the real world without the aid of the internet, I'm fairly certain that online is my best chance of meeting someone.

But at the moment, I'm tired. And I need a break. 

So I've disabled my account, while I clear my head of some things, sort some other things out and generally get myself in order. Just some stuff like that.

Live Long and Prosper

So I had a blog post...

So I wrote a blog entry before that announcement. It told the story of last Saturday's bonfire party. It was about how we first arrived, what was eaten, who we loved and who we (I) hated and, most importantly of all, just how many people John managed to insult before we were ushered out of the house, possibly forever.

It was a true piece of beauty.

Then I got a stupid idea that I should do an announcement post with the "Surprise, Bitches" meme first. So after turning this beautiful, amazing first blog back post into a draft, I did some searching, found an appropriate use of the meme and made the announcement post.

Then I accidentally deleted all the draft entries, since it's an automatic reaction with my emails. 

Will I ever rewrite that entry? Probably not. Will I let that one slip-up stop me writing on here more? Probably not.

So until next time, loyal readers.

Live Long and Prosper

UPDATE: I was reading through some of my old entries, and noticed that while I had mentioned having interviews, I didn't say anything about whether or not I had gotten either job.

I didn't. The one at Victoria Hall went to someone else. But I got a lovely phone call back, saying how it was a tough choice, that everyone had given a really good interview and also received some pointers on doing better. This took some of the sting out of the whole thing.

The other one, however, didn't hire anyone. As it turned out, the day after the interviews, they decided that they really only needed one assistant, so the second position was axed. Last time I checked, both Workable and the people who ran the course I had been on were looking into it.

I was put onto a brief placement, but by that point, the long hours were taking their toll and by the second week, I had a minor fit and my advisor, Sue, decided that I should take some time off from both the program and from claiming Jobseekers. So now I'm employment support, resting up (still) and starting to try and learn Blender, a 3D modelling program, in order to either get on an animation course to learn more about 3D character design or just jump ahead and open a store on Etsy.

So how are you all?

An announcement

Yes, hopefully starting soon, more regular updates shall be coming from me to you. And just like Mr Holmes, no explanation for my absence shall be forthcoming.

Live Long and Prosper.

Why Michael O'Hare actually left Babylon 5

So two years ago, I wrote about Michael O'Hare's passing. 

As I mentioned in the above blog entry, Michael played Jeffrey Sinclair for the first season of Babylon 5 before his character was written out. He returned to the role a few times over the next two seasons before completing Sinclair's arc in the season three two parter War Without End, where it was revealed that he was, in fact, the Minbari holy figure Valen.

However, the reasons for why his character being written out were unclear. All that was known was that it was a decision mutually decided upon by O'Hare and JMS, B5's creator and main writer.

At least, they were until the Phoenix Convention in 2013.

There, JMS revealed exactly why Michael O'Hare left the show.

He had started having paranoid delusions, which progressively got worse and worse during the first half of filming. It had become harder for him to work, as his behaviour was affected. Michael sought treatment but he was afraid that, since he was the main character, an extended medical leave would result in Babylon 5's cancellation.  JMS offered to suspend production, but O'Hare refused. He didn't want to put so many people's jobs at risk. 

JMS agreed to keep his secret to protect his career and, in return, O'Hare completed the first season but was written out of the second so he could seek treatments. Though they were partially successful, he was never truly cured. 

When he returned for appearances in B5, JMS promised that he would keep O'Hare's secret to the grave. O'Hare instead made him promise to keep it to his grave. He felt that the fans of the show deserved to know the truth and hoped it would raise awareness for people suffering from mental health issues. 

On the 25th of May at the Phoenix Comicon and eight months after O'Hare's death, JMS fullfilled that promise.

Why am I mentioning this? For one reason, it's almost a year since that occurred. For another, I had neglected to mention it at the time I found out because I was still struggling to cope with balancing my social life and my work load. The third and main reason is this. 

I was looking through my blog and read my entry about O'Hare. I was horrified to realise I hadn't updated it. So I decided to correct that mistake and the article you've been reading is the result of that.

Live Long and Prosper

Interviews, interviews, interviews

So it's been a while since I posted, and that is my fault. Real life stuff got in the way for a while and so things got put on the side and, unfortunately, forgotten for a good long while. 

But instead of telling everyone about that, I'm going to talk about my day today and why it means I'm going to return to semi-regular blogging.

For the last month or so, I've been part of one program or another to get me back into work. The first was Workable, which deals with people who have disabilities and works to get them back into work. It was good, I met some excellent people who I will never see again (lol) and generally honed some skills and discovered some new ones. 

Then my advisor put me onto another, week-long course. It was also intended to get people into work, but it works with local employers to get them into work. They also give you training, which includes a mock interview and then give you at least one interview with employers. 

Today, I had two.

The first was an event manager assistant at Victoria Hall, which is literally a ten minute bus ride away from home. I met with two people, who asked me questions. It wasn't as bad as I thought, and we all actually had something of a laugh as we spoke. Personally, I feel it went very well. 

The second was for a position with Locally Grown. It's another government run project that deals with local people to get small business up and running. As with the events manager, I was early and made sure to go over some answers I'd considered and chatted with the other workers there.

Both interviews went well, but I think I did better at Victoria Hall. I got a bit flustered at my second interview, which I think was because it was at the end of my day. However, I shall find out on Tuesday what they thought about me and whether or not I actually got a job, or will be put into a talent pool.

That's all. Update done. How are you all?

Live Long and Prosper 

Stuff

I've noticed just recently that I'm going through some stuff, and a lot of it is scaring me. Especially when you consider what some of the stuff is indicating. 

Depression.

Yeah. I know. It's one of those words that has so much meaning, but is cramped into 10 letters. It's a scary thought, and it's something that I really need to get looked at because if I have it, I need to get it sorted. It's not something I can just leave, because at the moment I'm shouting at my friends for no apparent reason. The smallest things can set me off, and I'm geniunely concerned that sooner or later, I will hit someone.

That isn't me. I don't want to be that person. So Monday, I've got an appointment with my GP, and I'm going to ask her opinion and see where we go from there. Yeah. I just thought I'd have a copy of it somewhere written down.

Of course, I'll keep you all updated, not that anyone actually reads this.

Live Long and Prosper

Love

Bear with me here, because this entry has a bit of an explanation to go with it. I've had feelings (I would even say love) for someone for a very long time and, without going into too much detail, that person is pretty much forever lost to me now. Barring accidents or other circumstances, the woman in question and I will never get together. 

Am I okay with this? Of course I'm not.

You see, this whole thing started a few years ago. I asked my friend Paul to set me up with one of his female friends. It took him a while to 'pick the right woman', and by then, my mother had taken a turn for the worst. Naturally, she became my main focus, and I put dating along with everything else to the back of my mind. Sadly, by the time my life became normal enough for me to consider dating again, the woman had started seeing someone else. 

Eventually, we got to know each other quite well and became friends. However, my feelings for her grew to beyond friendship, but she was still seeing this person. I thought I had accepted this, but when they finally broke up, my spirits soared. I had intended to ask her out, but she declared to anyone and everyone that she wasn't looking for a relationship, so I held my ground. I was happy to wait for her because I knew that sooner or later she'd come around.

I intended to ask her on a date on a night out but she came out drunk. Since I was sober, I didn't want it to look like I was taking advantage, so I postponed. Unfortunately (for me), she went home with another friend, and they started a friends with benefits style relationship. This lasted for about 6 months, until they finally split up. By this point, she had started talking to the man who would become her husband. 

And the worst part, I helped them get together.

Against my better judgement, I told her to message him, and she did. He replied, but the next day, he was in a relationship with another woman. I thought that would be the end of that. She was put off dating for a while but again, I was willing to wait. Then he split up with the woman, and the pair started dating. 

On my 23rd birthday, he proposed to her (the bastard) and on the 8th of February, they were married. I never told her how I felt about her, and I never will.

It's going to take me a while to get over her (if I ever do), but I know I have to. 

So I'm asking my friends to bear with me, because this is going to be a long and difficult road for me. I will get there, and I've taken the first steps towards this goal, but it won't be a case of "Moping for a weekend and be ready to try again." 

Wish me luck. 

Live Long and Prosper

Announcing Project: Robot

So it's 2008, and Character Options, the company that makes Doctor Who figures, have just released pictures of their upcoming wave of figures based on the classic series. There are three Doctors, two "army builders" and three one off characters. Every Collector out there is really excited, myself included, and then we see the words "Build-it-Figure". Everyone becomes even more excited, especially when the Build-it figure was announced as the "K1 robot".

Which looks like this:

Now, back then, I wasn't anywhere near as knowledgeable about Classic Who as I am today. I had absolutely no clue as to the significance of the Robot, save that it was from Tom Baker's first story. So when I bought the figures (only the ones I wanted, mind - so the Doctors, some Sea Devils and Zygons), I thought nothing of the pieces, and they were mostly given away. About a year later, I bought the Magnus Greel and Mr Sin for £10 (quite the deal). At some point, I also bought the SV7 robot (the silver one in that group). Again, I still had no intention of building this figure, so I threw the pieces into a box somewhere and promptly forgot about them.

Cut to about three weeks ago, and I watched ROBOT, Tom Baker's first story, in it's entireity for the first time. I've watched the odd episode in the past. Of course, having seen it, I wanted the Build-it-figure. So I searched through various boxes for the pieces, but gave up.

Today, I tried again, and I found the following pieces: 

My K1 Robot, so far

Now I am especially pleased with finding that arm! That's the piece that came with Magnus Greel (who is now worth around £80) and I really did not want to pay that much JUST for the arm (well, the gun - I could've bought another Fifth Doctor and just had two arms). So this has made my day.

My friend has offered me another arm, so all I need now is the upper torso (Sixth Doctor), second leg (D84 - black robot) and the head (Zygon). I shall keep you updated as I collect. 

Soon...

Live Long and Prosper

COSTUME: Steampunk Sherlock

Hello again! Welcome back and all that bull.

So having posted promising to post more, I thought I'd do another one tonight, and tell you a bit about my latest costume. As some know, I've attended a few costume parties just recently (the last year or so) and have come up with some crackin' ones. I knocked together a reasonable Fourth Doctor one last Halloween, and I went as a Red Shirt to a Dead Celebrity Party.

So when my friend Ellen invited me to a costume party at her house, I knew I had to come up with something to top the previous costumes. To the end, I considered all my options and decided on Sherlock Holmes. However, a Sherlock Holmes costume is easy enough to put together. Get a Deerstalker, a magnifying glass, a long cape and a pipe and you're sorted. 

So I decided to make it into a bit of a challenge. I looked at previous Sherlock Holmes, and thought "why not Steampunk it ?" 

Alas, a brilliant idea was born.

The Costume 

the costume itself is fairly simple. I deliberately went as far away from the established image (below) as I could. There will be no deerstalker, no magnifying glass and no long cape. The pipe's staying simply because I like pipes. Grandpa used to have several. Instead, I decided to create a smart Victorian Gentleman look for the occasion, since Sherlock is usually described as being well dressed.

The sterotypical Holmes

To the end of creating a Victorian Gentleman look, I bought a beautiful black frock coat which comes to just below my knees. It's the type of coat I've been after for a while as an alternative to my leather trench coat. I also bought a red patterned waist coat to wear above a white, striped shirt. Tomorrow I will buying a simple pair of black trousers to match the jacket, and a black tie completes the look. After that, it's a simple case of waiting patiently for the small 'steampunk' touches, all of which were acquired at joke.co.uk

(Beware, this next paragraph will be link heavy.)

First up, a pair of Victorian style glasses. But Sherlock Holmes never wore glasses, I hear you cry. That is true, he did not. However, in lieu of a magnifying glass, I bought these. I think they're quite niffty, and that it is something Sherlock Holmes (particularly Robert Downey Jr's version) would wear if he had the chance. Last up is a pocket watch. There's nothing special about this watch, it's just something you see all gentlemen from that era wearing (plus it looks cool). 

The Pipe is a cheap model I acquired off Amazon, as well as a set of white gloves. To complete the look, I purchased a small cap gun, since Sherlock usually entered the field armed.

The great thing is my brother, Simon, is attending the same party and, after some subtle manipulations, has agreed to attend as the Watson to my Sherlock, also with steampunk touches (although he will be more armed than Watson was in the books lol)

However, this costume will reused in parts. With a black waistcoat instead of the red and none of the steampunk gear, the Victorian Gent outfit will be my Doctor's outfit. Photos of both costumes, as well as some with my brother, will follow.

Live Long and Prosper